


Um, Excuse you?

by Space_Girl44



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Legally Blonde - All Media Types
Genre: Elle Woods is awesome, London, Magic, Muggle/Wizard Relations, Tea, Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 13:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20507846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Girl44/pseuds/Space_Girl44
Summary: A sequel to Who Let Her In Here?Elle Woods promised Mrs. Figg that they’d go out to tea. It’s a nice London day, and the two (plus Bruiser) are having a nice day when Umbridge decides that she’s going to interfere. Umbridge has been planning to get her revenge on Elle Woods since Elle took her courtroom from her. But have no fear! Elle Woods has some... tricks up her sleeve, to say the least.





	Um, Excuse you?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope this lives up to the first one!

“We did it, Bruiser.” Elle Woods exclaimed, beaming as she walked down the street. Bruiser, relieved that they were out of the Ministry, said nothing in response. His collar clinked against the leash. Elle Woods was jubilant. Her first wizarding case, won. Sure, she did have a help from Dumbledore, but only a little. Maybe this was the start of a magical lawyer career!  
“What do you think about being a magical lawyer?” Elle Woods asked Bruiser. He sighed. _The courtroom had a funny smell and those people weren’t happy to see me, so no,_ Bruiser thought.__  
“That would be fantastic. Elle Woods, Lawyer for the Wizarding World. For now, we’re off for some tea with the delightful Mrs. Figg.” Elle Woods said cheerfully. Bruiser liked the sound of tea. It meant he got food, too.  
“Good morning,” Elle Woods greeted a passing woman. The woman, who was rushing to the subway, looked at her funny.  
“They’re all so professional.” Elle Woods marveled, reminded of her time at Harvard.  
“Miss Woods!” Mrs. Figg called, waving. Elle Woods brightened. She quickly walked over to the table Mrs. Figg was sitting at.  
“Hello! How are you?” Elle Woods asked, smiling. Bruiser laid down next to Elle Woods’ chair, head between his paws. Something was up.  
“I’m doing well, thank you. Care for some tea?” Mrs. Figg asked, handing Elle Woods a tea cup. Mrs. Figg’s hands shook. Elle Woods took the cup and poured herself some tea.  
“Thank you. I know the courtroom earlier was a bit... strange, to say the least. I’m sorry for how they treated you. It was extremely rude of them.” Elle Woods said.  
“Squibs aren’t treated very nicely in the Wizarding World. I appreciate your concern.” Mrs. Figg said.  
“We have to do something about that.”  
“There’s nothing we can do.”  
“There’s always something we can do.”  
Umbridge’s lips curled up into a snarl. She hated that righteous Elle Woods, hated her with a passion. Ever since that blonde, pink-wearing, _Muggle_ set foot in _her_ courtroom, Umbridge had been fuming.____  
“You’re very kind, Miss Woods.” Mrs. Figg said with a smile.  
“Kindness makes the world turn, you know.” Elle Woods replied.  
“That is a true statement. How did you find out about Harry Potter’s trial?”  
Umbridge listened in. This was going to be good. Umbridge could use this against Elle Woods if everything turned out correctly.  
“Professor Dumbledore contacted me. He asked me if I could do an... important favor for him. I said yes, of course.”  
“Professor Dumbledore contacted you directly?”  
“Strange, isn’t it? An American lawyer, all the way over in the English Ministry of Magic defending the one and only Harry Potter. It’s unheard of!”  
“Until today.”  
Umbridge couldn’t believe this ludicrous story. This was all made up, a ploy to get the show-off American the attention she wanted. The dog by Elle Woods’ feet perked up, narrowing it’s eyes at where Umbridge was hiding. It growled.  
“What is it, Bruiser?” Elle Woods asked. The dog growled at Umbridge one last time before returning to its’ nap.  
“Your dog is adorable.” Mrs. Figg commented.  
“Thank you! Bruiser is my best friend. He goes everywhere with me. He’s really one of a kind.” Elle Woods said, picking up Bruiser and patting his head affectionately. Umbridge preferred cats. Less slobbery and less Muggle-oriented. And also less... attached to the girl in pink. Pink was _Umbridge’s_ color. How dare the Muggle come in and steal her courtroom, her case, and her color from her.__  
“That Umbridge woman was rather rude, don’t you think?” Elle Woods said, stirring her tea.  
“She was very standoffish.” Mrs. Figg agreed.  
“She was also rather red by the end. It clashed with her pink.” Elle Woods joked. She and Mrs. Figg laughed. Umbridge had _enough_. She wanted to march in there and get rid of that infuriating Muggle once and for all. But she had to bide her time. Then the perfect idea came to her. The inferior pink-wearer was a Muggle. And Muggles couldn’t do magic...__  
“Hem hem!”  
Umbridge approached the table. Elle Woods stood up, polite smile on her face. Mrs. Figg shrank back, hoping to stay out of Umbridge’s line of site. Bruiser jumped to his feet and growled.  
“Hello. How can we help you?” Elle Woods asked pleasantly.  
“Ah, yes. Hello again.” Umbridge said, voice poisonously sweet. Elle Woods looked at her funny.  
“What?” Umbridge said, confused.  
“You have a little something in your hair.” Elle Woods said, pointing to a twig stuck in Umbridge’s hair. Umbridge nearly scowled.  
“Oh, silly me. I was wondering, can you perform magic?” Umbridge said, plucking the twig from her hair.  
“Everyone can do magic.” Elle Woods said. Now Umbridge wanted to slap the girl. Only _wizards_ could do magic, and this girl was most certainly not a wizard or a witch._  
“Well, show us a simple spell. A levitation charm, a bit of Transfigurations, perhaps turning the mutt into a pincushion?” Umbridge suggested. Elle Woods raised her eyebrows.  
“And why should I do that?”  
Umbridge was taken aback. She was not prepared for the lawyer girl’s response at all.  
“Well, because I need proof that... you are really eligible to be Mr. Potter’s... lawyer.” Umbridge said, venom put in the word _lawyer_.  
“That already happened, Ms. Umbridge. Now if you’ll excuse us, Mrs. Figg and I are enjoying tea. If you would like to join us, you are welcome to. After you put aside the _silly_ notion of redoing Mr. Potter’s trial.” Elle Woods said, mimicking the way Umbridge said _silly_. Umbridge couldn’t mask her look of shock. How did the girl know?! _How, how, how, HOW?!!_ Umbridge fumed internally. Nevertheless, she wouldn’t give up.  
Neither would Elle Woods.  
Later that day, Umbridge listened in on Elle Woods talking with her fiancé. Mindless chit-chat, in Umbridge’s opinion. But how would she know? She’s never had a fiancé or even been in a relationship for that matter. Who would want Umbridge is the question...  
“Time for a little magic.” Umbridge muttered evilly. She’d show that girl who was boss. Umbridge opened up a magical manhole under Elle Woods. Elle Woods didn’t look down. She kept walking, chatting happily. Umbridge was about ready to scream. Umbridge took a deep breath and took control of a bush in front of Elle Woods. She made a grab at the girl’s legs, but Elle Woods just stepped over it. Bruiser glared at Umbridge. While Umbridge was busy trying to snare Elle Woods’ legs, Bruiser wiggled out of the leash and was making his way over to where Umbridge was hiding. Umbridge looked to her right. There was that dog again. It sniffed her, then met her eyes. Then it slowly lifted its leg. Umbridge screamed and leapt away, pink outfit stained with pee. Bruiser trotted back over to Elle Woods, proud of himself.  
“Yes, I just had to deal with a _very_ angry witch. She kept trying to get her so-called revenge on me.” Elle Woods said to Emmett Forrest. ___________  
“Bruiser took care of her. She’s been following me all day. Nearly ruined my tea with Mrs. Figg.” Elle Woods grumbled. Bruiser sat down next to Elle Woods, ready to take a nap.  
“How did I know what she was planning? She was talking to herself the entire time. Yes! She said it all out loud! If you’re going to plan evil schemes, at least plan them in your head.”  
That’s a good life lesson. Umbridge, you’d better take note.


End file.
